Recently, one of my readers wrote to me. This is what she said.
“You make love seem like the most powerful force in the universe. If it is, why are we so prone to getting it wrong or running away from it and not to it as often as we breathe?”
I’m grateful she asked and would encourage you as well to write to me and ask or speak what is on your mind. I’ve learned many people have similar questions and concerns but are often afraid to give voice to them. It is my desire to comfort you and to offer you ways to see life that aid in your ability to see much more of yourself. You are loves desire and you are worthy of love. Of this I am sure.
My response to her is as follows:
I’ve been married to the same woman for over20 years and I have been in several relationships throughout my life. This by no means makes me a relationship expert any more than eating for a lifetime makes me a chef. Have I been successful at marriage? I, along with many onlookers seem to think so. What means more to me, though, is that I’ve been successful at relationships and I have many of them. To be clear, my use of the word “relationship” is not meant on any level to be synonymous with “sexual” relationship. A sexual relationship is a type of relationship but it is not the most important type. It is vital that I make this distinction so that you can take my writing in the spirit it is intended.
Relationships are not successful because they last; they are successful because they mature, grow, expand, extend and reproduce. They become remarkable as they make room for more relating without prejudice or possessiveness. The 20 year mark may seem impressive but that is merely a distraction. What’s really impressive is that it didn’t take 20 years for either of us to see the value in a moment which was worthy of a lifetime. And if I look at the 20 years alone, I just might miss the power of each new relationship. Each successful relationship starts at the first encounter, the meet. The moment we see beauty in someone is the moment we decide to make space and permit him or her to alter our existence.
Some marriages didn’t last 20 years. They either ended in death or divorce. Sometimes they are the same. Some marriages are still in their youth and are finding their way. Hopefully I can help you with this next statement. Your marriage is never as important as your relationship. Marriage is a step we introduce into relationship in an attempt to guarantee or require someone to remain with us. To remain is a matter of Love and never law. Valuing law over love is a death sentence. Knowing this will help you succeed. And if divorce is necessary to help you see the beauty of relating then see it as a gift and let Love take you higher and escape the clutches of death.
I believe love is the most powerful force in the universe. Love is always present as is truth and like truth we don't always see it. In these moments, when we don't see truth, we see its alternative --- as if there really is such. What we see is an illusion and depending on the degree of that illusion, it mutates into delusion. Either way deception dominates and we are prone to demonstrate or act out in fear. Fear is what happens when we see love as absent or threatened. Truth and Love go hand in hand. They are both present---omnipresent even.
Why are we prone to running away? Fear incites flight. Why are we prone to getting it wrong? Deception and/or illusion nurtures misunderstanding. These go hand in hand as well. Misunderstanding is the prelude to fear and if we misunderstand what is true, we will run away from Love.
Breathing should demonstrate to us that breath is ever present, always around, always here. In all moments we are breathing and in these moments we are living. None of us like to have our breathing obstructed but sometimes it is. Maybe this is due to allergens, colds, flues, or maybe someone is just suffocating you. This is sometimes called asphyxiation meaning the absence of a pulse. We have no sign of life. Wow, imagine that? No love, no life, No truth, no life, No Life, No love. It just goes on and on and on and on...
So why then do we choose to run? We think it's the fastest way to get away from what we think causes our pain not realizing it's always been the illusion that does it. We can't run from truth. Where would we go? A place where truth is not? There is no place where truth is absent, no place where love is absent. If truth or love is unapparent it is just simply unseen. But when we discover truth and uncover love what we come to realize is this:
All we ever learn is that we misunderstood before.
Love will always give us more than we can give to it. Love is larger than any one of us. It is larger than our desires. Love is inexhaustible and unrepentant in its willingness to extend continuously. Yet when we want more from love than we are willing to give to it, love seems to retreat into scarcity. Love does not really hide from us but this illusion of scarcity and loss is cast when we find ourselves believing we “need” more love. Love does not offer itself in diminished capacity; it is intent upon giving fully withholding nothing. This is a difficult cycle to overcome when we think having more love is the same as seeing more love.
Love by design hides from the blind, but it’s easier to see it when you choose to be it.
It’s reflexive. Love is. It has an involuntary response directly resulting from a sponsoring action. Respond simply means to answer. Love listens and observes with careful attention so as to extend to the object of affection exactly what is necessary to sponsor an elevated sense of consciousness. Love is also reflective. It will mirror truthfully at the angle of incidence. Another way of saying this, “whatever measure you meet, the same measure will be measured back to you.” (a passage taken from a ancient text) Remember, love’s intention is liberation through truthful and authentic relations. Love will mirror to us in a way we demonstrate it. If we find ourselves restricting love’s flow then we imagine and believe that love is limiting. Love will in turn respond with a reflection necessitating an event asking you to choose whether this is really your preference.
When we find ourselves open to a limitless expression of love, Love responds to us with a reflection of streaming possibilities. Love will blossom, expand, and extend herself in unimaginable ways exceeding anything we could ask or think. This is really the love we seek but are often afraid to quest.
There are so many variations and styles of people in the world and when love demonstrates her limitlessness, it does it through the myriad of people possibilities. Each person represents a different love possibility but not only that, each person provides a unique and distinct way for us to see ourselves in brand new dimensions. Seeking or questing for new ways to see and experience life, necessitates the entrance of new people possibility. These are conquests --- our ever expanding opportunities to pursue love through the unfolding potential of our humanity. This is dynamically beautiful, non-repetitive ecstasy in revolution.
Working You Out,
Marquis
PS. I am writing much more on these subjects in an expanded form in my upcoming book. I hope you stay tuned and engaged in this conversation.
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