Plant Me A Tree

Long time since I touched my Lover
Still the truth though
Love is and I think of her at every dawn
It’s different though in the evenings
There are no road trips
No sliding into smells and skin
But the truth Remains and Love still is…
Ever wonder where hope goes and if it ever returns
I’m told it’s a tree of Life when it shows up
Long time since I touched my Lover
Vanished
It was good though – not just the touch
The hand, Yes… but the words too with
Smile lines and glistening eyes
No more words – Just silence
No more moments – just memories
Plant me a tree

Process: The Paradox of the Divine Dialogue (Cont)

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with."- Mark Twain.

I would say it, “…joy must have somebody to share it with.”

“Grief is selfish in nature, it centered around you. Joy is the enrichment of inner grace that cries out "Our Father." – Mark Eaton

I would say, “…joy is the enrichment of inner grace that cries out for community.”

It’s not that my edits are better, they’re just the way I see it. Either way, I’m convinced that joy has always dealt me a better dose of life than grief. The only thing separating grief from joy is a moment of awareness and this is what we want when we’re grieving. We won’t out of it; we want out of the pain and suffering. But how?

“Answers!!!! Give me answers.”

I suppose it would be simply easy to just tell the world the "Truth"(the answer) in its most sublime and complete form, although it eludes us what that is. Sometimes, though, there’s the push to do just that – speak of truth in the ultimate sense. It’s similar to planning a trip and knowing the destination, but knowing the destination is not the synonymous with actually getting there. Getting there is what I call “process”, and there is definitely “process”; however, there can be several ways or paths to getting “there” and each of them can and will carry its own discipline. These disciplines involve several mini-truths so to speak. Some of them are faster, some more tedious, but each with its own reason for being. Some of them are at times, timeless and seamless. In these moments (the timeless and seamless moments) we are more closely aware or awakened to that inescapable Oneness although it may be unknown to our amnesiatic “person self” that we are living in such sync or synchronicity.

Sometimes we like to “cheat” the process. We just want the answer without learning how to master the question. The problem with this is that we cheat ourselves of actually “knowing” our Divinehood (that powerful person-self) and we are stuck with only believing it. (Those of us who are lucky enough to even get that far. Some of us just remain illiterate). The process is there nonetheless to create for our person-self this dynamic experience of being human. Humanity is nothing if it is not designed as the consciousness of exploration; it IS the mastery of the question – Love/God/Universe asking itself, “who/what am I?” Not that we don’t really know but we want to SEE.

"I got what I asked for, the chance to love no matter what, and to see what that is gonna take."

Matthew Glenn Krepps

This is the brilliance of loving anyway. We get to remember and experience our limitless capacity to love, to emerge and to just BE. We, humanity, are still in the beginning stages of our self discovery and it is not a beginning to despise but rather one to explore. That’s it!!!!! The exploration takes time. Like the trip or the journey we are waiting to arrive so in the meantime we experience and we explore. This “meantime” though is better felt when we do it with joy rather than with grief. In grieving, yes, we DO feel alone. Sometimes we are convinced of this aloneness. It doesn’t matter that we “really” aren’t alone; we FEEL alone.

How can there be joy when we feel this way? But we don’t have to feel this way even if we are in the experience of solitude. We know that we are joined by the many – the ONE, and this reality will show itself as we share ourselves and withhold not. Joy is the hope of the shared experience; it is the remembering of our Divine selves and the discovery of nothing missing and nothing broken. God will not deny him/her/itself.

We know this and yet we are learning this.

My Redeemer Lives

You’ve believed you could only go so far. You’ve believed there was only so much you could take. You’ve been convinced you have an emotional cap that when reached will force you to explode, take prisoners and demand your right to freedom and power. You did not consider you could outlast your pain or be stronger than your grievance. You secretly gave what came to destroy you, the keys to your freedom. What you didn’t know, is your enemy is and always has been afraid of eviction. The enemy has always seen you as its Landlord. Your enemies have always known you have the power. The reason they relentlessly threaten you is to convince you that you are weaker than the Truth, insufficient to Love, and unqualified to Evolve.

The one who seeks to destroy you is paying tribute to your Power. How could someone feel threatened by weakness? If you would just see this, you would not believe their delusion but you would accept their Truth. To accept this honor would grant you the privilege of becoming THEIR Savior.

One day you will believe you do not have to forecast a limitation on to yourself. One day you will no longer use your imagination to contemplate the possibility of failure. If you do not like enemies, be only a friend and if you have difficulty believing you can be such a Redeemer, remember this: You have always been bigger than your experience and you have experienced no limitation which has nullified the “Beauty of Your Becoming.” You Are Here!!!!!!

Your capacity to Love is limitless and when you are challenged to not believe this, Love Anyway

Step into your life! Come out of the Shadows! Welcome to the LifeXchange!

Have this dialogue with me and many others Sundays @ 4p.m. when the LifeXchange gathers.

Mediums Art Lounge

516 Center Street,

Little Rock, AR

(501)749-2110

L2L,
The Seer.

New Year, New You, New Relationship

I enter each of my relationships with a unique understanding of this idea: “I am meeting someone who has secrets. I don’t know their secrets. Their secrets, if I were to discover them, could quite possibly convince me to distance myself from them. This person is not likely to tell me something they are ashamed of for fear of losing what potential he or she may have in having me as a friend.


This may all seem normal, but it suggests something that could easily inject poison into any potential relationship. The person who hides from me is inclined to believe that I have contingencies on my love. In other words, they are pretty sure love will fail them. What could be left after such a sentence is passed and why is this? It is because we walk into each relationship first as an “other”. We are presumed to be potential enemies. I could turn on you or you on me. This possibility exists.


I have a remedy for this, but it doesn’t always go over so well. I might say to you, “Tell me a secret and tell me something you don’t want me to know.” I’m usually met with a startling look of bewilderment. Surprise follows and sometimes with the same question asked of me – but before they, themselves, will answer. I smile and attempt to give them something of shock value just to see if they will remain. I am often times disappointed. Because when I tell my secret, I find that more than love was needed. I didn’t know it before, but this reaction suggests that in order for me to sustain a relationship for any length of time, I must live, untrue to myself, but true to yours or somebody’s idea of me.

Sometimes, though we give into our desire to be accepted and we play along. We don’t lie, but we do shield our friendship potentials from our darker side.


This does not suggest that our wonderful selves are misleading or unreal, but it does suggest that we want to be perceived as perfect and lack the potential to do bad. It suggests to our friendship potentials that they are not likely to be disappointed or betrayed by us. It gives them permission to continue to project onto us their noble idea of who we are and why they were smart, blessed, or altruistic to include us into their space. We won’t readily admit that we fear rejection as it is the impetus behind why we shroud ourselves in this illusion of perfection. The problem though is that we are all apt to give into our fear especially if fear becomes so compelling that it evidences itself as the only way to preserve what we value. And one such fear realizes itself by leading someone to believe or helping them believe that you are fully responsible for their idea of you.


I write this to you to help you see that those in your life who have betrayed you have done so because they were afraid. Their fear does not justify the betrayal. I am hoping it serves to help you understand that betrayal does not have to offend you. If I were to tell you when you asked me to tell you a secret or something I didn’t want you to know, “I'm not always honest, I have wayward thoughts which could easily undermine your generosity,” would you distance yourself or help me heal? The point being, sometimes we can’t stop betrayal even when we love without condition and sometimes, just sometimes, we’re uninterested in knowing the shame that grips many of our friends. Sometimes their suspicions about us are correct. It’s the secret we have kept to ourselves. It’s the one that says, “I am likely to abandon you, if you disappoint me.”


Can we change the way we see it?

Marquis

Love or Money?

Question:

Not sure how to word this but I will attempt to. Money over love or love over money? A man's desire for love is powerful & so his his desire to be a provider so what happen when a man chooses a woman who has money over one he has this deep love for? The desire for love is great so will he have to eventually heed to the call of love??

Love or money??

Dear Love or Money,

Anyone embarking upon a relationship because of the desire for love is living from a posture of insufficiency. The question also begs consideration of the woman who reaches for a man who can provide economic security rather than one with whom she finds "love". Either way insufficiency seems to be what drives the individual's desire for relationship.

The desire of a man to provide is somewhat of a socia/cultural* stereotype. The man who is compelled to live with this value system may feel the pressure to believe himself inadequate and undeserving of his preferred love interest if he cannot meet social standards of worth. When this happens, the relationship will be overshadowed by shame. He will find ways to recover a sense of dignity. He will not find it as long as he lives believing in his insufficiency. Shame leads to dishonesty and dishonesty leads to the cover-up. It is very difficult to build a healthy relationship under these circumstances. Disappointment will be unavoidable.

We all choose according to our value system. We cannot avoid this. If we live believing in insufficiency, we will live with an inclination toward possessiveness couched in the mask of security. We will value security over the threat of loss. Mind you, the threat of loss is not proof of loss. All that is necessary however is the belief in loss to increase and solidify the value for security. Money will be more valuable than Love when Money is believed to provide more security than Love. If this is the case whether revealed in the man or the woman, Security will win. All you can do is observe this truth and observe the truth a person shows you.

"When a person shows you their true colors, believe them the first time." ~Maya Angelou

Deep love has no value except to the person with the deep love. Sometimes deep love has more value than deep pockets, vice-versa. Love demonstrates its greatest value when it evidences the need for nothing. In this it is free to give everything without losing anything.

We all will heed the call to Love. It is our true nature. There is only one true security --- Love. It has been said, "perfect Love casts out all fear." If this is true, then where love perfects itself, there is no fear. If there is no fear, there is no need for security. Security eludes the need for conversation because it is not a plausible conception.

When the Lover lost in his/her desire for love realizes this, there will not be a question of Love over Money or Money over Love. There will only be the question of...

"How can I use my life to Amplify the Volume of Love in all moments?"

Marquis

*"socio/cultural was Borrowed from Kevin A Johnson (Facebook Friend)

Still Questioning Love... On Faithfulness

I’m still heavily invested in writing. I’m excited about offering these innovative perspectives on love and relationship. As you wait for the book to be completed, I am extremely grateful for your choice to read me through this medium. Please keep the questions coming and thanks for all your support. The following is an excerpt from my current work in progress.

After publishing my recent article, Flirting or Not…. Can We Talk, I entertained several questions asking for a more in depth discovery into relationship. It’s difficult to discuss flirting without fidelity coming into radiating focus. Many of us are sorely afraid to open this door for fear that it will lead to a matrix of infidelity --- one from which we cannot return. Set your heart at ease, your current love interest is not likely to be your last and you can be thankful for this. That thing you felt when you fell in love? You had nothing to do with it and there is no sense in trying to fool yourself into believing you did. It happened and if you could stop, it is likely you would. Love cannot be controlled. It has a mind of its own and thankfully so---Love knows much better than any of us what is best for all of us.

Being that many of us in the western world have taken our cue for moral and behavior from some concept of religion, it would be a welcomed event to see our leading religious voices explore this topic with respect and deference. This may be difficult though because many of us who lead the way (religiously speaking) are oblivious to our own presuppositions and prejudices on issues of sexuality and any of its corollaries. Immorality is one such corollary flowing from the lack of depth in this conversation. Religion often blames science and entertainment for this alleged deviance but this is a misguided projection. I have been a religious voice and I work feverishly to speak more relevantly to society and to the intricately subtle concerns that affect us daily.

Sex isn't a dirty word, but because it's so misunderstood we often replicate misguided attempts at chastity and morality. Sex is powerful especially when it's done right or righteously. By righteous, I don't mean anything conventional. I'm Marquis and chancing convention is not easy for me. Sexuality is a necessary fuel in building thriving and vital relationships. But to be sexual is not necessarily a matter of copulating; it is a matter of intimating. (flirting)

One of my first messages as a burgeoning “religious” voice was a sermon I titled, “The Comic Strip Character.” Over 20 years ago I preached this. What was true then is astoundingly true now. My lead character was Dennis the Menace. I discovered as a young adult that I had been reading about Dennis’s life from my childhood. It “finally” struck me that while I had grown both physically and emotionally, Dennis had not. He was s till a little boy. Now, over 20 years later, Dennis is still the same age exhibiting the same childish machinations. Life is not a comic strip, things do change and so do we. Regardless of the illusion of Sunday comedy, everything about us is different – especially the way evolution asks us to be in relationship.

We like things quick and simple. Quick seems better because it alleviates the pain associated with waiting – we’re just impatient most of the time. Simple is desired because we think it takes less mental work. This just translates into us not really wanting to think. We like being spoon or bottle fed and that’s okay if remaining and infant or toddler is the unspoken ambition. What most of us call simple, is usually an exercise in vagueness and ambiguity. Simplicity is found in presence of detail. We simplify by breaking things down. We like to group, collude, and fuse together conversations of Love, Relationship, Sexuality, and even belief. While these subjects are connected they are not interchangeable. This is very important.

Couched in our language, we can see that Love functions in at least three distinct ways. Love finds its way to us through the function of what I will call the Love Triad – Phileo, Agape, and Eros. We see these loves operating in all of our relationships. The mistake we make is in thinking that we actually should love some people differently than others. The surface understanding says Phileo is brotherly love – the love of friends or friendship. Agape is unconditional love or benevolent love – we should love even those who don’t deserve it. Eros is erotic or romantic love – we can only have this love for someone special. Every now and again we feel romance for more than one but that is entirely inappropriate. Only one person can have your share of romance. These connotations are all grossly misrepresented and oversimplified. In truth, these loves should work interactively in ALL relationships.

The notion of "being in love", ambiguously identified as ‘eros’is in and of itself a very selfish operation. Usually we fall in love with someone we call “lover.” The term has expanded over the years but it essentially suggests that we are in love with someone who loves us rather than someone we love. It is true that your lover may see you as you see him or her, but at this point, the relationship is being defined by what is received rather than what is given. Being in love is not to be confused with Love or loving. Being in love is the tendency of an individual to be intoxicatingly consumed with the euphoric feeling he or she gets when having the experience of someone else. It totally concerns itself with attempting to require the object of affection to guarantee himself, herself, or themselves for the sake of that individual's personal satisfaction.

Love is like water; it seeks its own level. There are times we attempt to control this love triad. We have attempted the same with water --- our irrigation systems or our dams. These are our creations to make water obey our will. We buy into the illusion that we can also dam up love, but that’s a damn lie. For some reason we think we can stop its flow and we can for a while but only for a while. Eventually love like water will have to flow through or some major dam/age will occur. Sometimes our families are relational dams or it could be our friendships, our ideas, our beliefs, our past success and even our marriages. In other words, the way we have relationships is our way of trying to control love but do we really need to do this? Can we learn a better way?

Still... Working You Out

L2L,
Marquis

Flirting or Not... Can We Talk?

Girl, if I could, I would just...

I love conversation --- impassioned by conversation to say the least. I like to see the mind at work and conversation, for me, is an invitation into someone’s soul. And for those of us who are not so intuitive, it is perhaps the most viable way to develop an interpersonal relationship.

Often in doing consultations, I may have a potential client ask me, “What will I get from talking with you?” My standard response is, “I will take your conversation and give it back to you.” We could often answer our own questions if we would just dare listen to our conversation and courageously examine the subtle nuance of it.

Because of our most recent dialogues, I am experiencing my conversation(s) come back to me. I am remembering myself. My reflections emerge with a realization of how my activism is not as silent as I imagined. I am an activist but not only that; I’m a poet, a musician, a writer, a friend, a lover, teacher, a father, a husband, among so many other things. I am not just one of these things and none of these roles are always relevant. (I should repeat that.) I do love beauty and sometimes consider myself to be a “beauty” activist. I am not trying to be a martyr. I have no interest in that. I don’t want to kill relationships because of my love for beauty or my willingness to demonstrate appreciation for it. To be clear, I find no beauty in disrespect. Neither do I find beauty in the need or desire to dominate someone or require them to accept me or my ways. I genuinely desire friendship and relationship.

Our society is changing. Concomitant to this is also the rhythm of changing relationships. Contrary to what romance tells us, there has never existed a perfect relationship. We have been learning how to relate since we have awakened to the consciousness of our humanity. None of us really know what the ideal relationship looks like. There is no pattern or cookie cutter image we can translate into the perfect statement. How do we actually manage this? The lines are getting blurred and defining appropriateness is more and more nuanced. For instance:

Who determines if we greet with a handshake, hug, or kiss? Is it the man or the woman?
If it’s a hug, is it a shoulder hug, a two-handed shoulder hug, a handshake- shoulder bump- slap the back hug, a slight body hug with the obligatory pat(s) on the back, or is it a full-on -body hug?
If it’s a kiss, is it on the cheek, on the head, on the lips, or on the neck? Who makes the choice to initiate this? How do we figure this out?

If I’m kissed on the lips by a woman who initiates it, am I to assume she wants me? When do I self investigate? Do I question my own perceptions, presuppositions, preconceived notions, motives, inhibitions or lack of them? Vice-versa, if it’s the man initiating, how do we figure this out?

Is there any innocence?

Why do people tell me I have a beautiful wife? Did I have anything to do with it? Are they telling me I’m lucky? I’m smart? Shouldn’t they tell her? Can a man feel comfortable saying it? If the woman’s a lesbian, is she allowed?

What to do?

I have a couple of people in my life who feel they can adjust certain wardrobe malfunctions I may exhibit---a dangling string either on my cap or shirt, a piece of lint on my eye, etc. I don’t like it; I think it makes me feel like a child. They mean well but my ego gets in the way. Recently I went into a restaurant. The owner is a lady who I find quite attractive. She has the most gorgeous eyes and hair. After I was seated, she came over and began dialogue. In the midst of the conversation, she reached for my face. I slightly pulled back thinking I had a wardrobe quagmire. I was so wrong. She said, “Would it be okay if I touched your face? I think you have beautiful skin.” I was like “SURE!” It was nice and I was glad I was wrong. Was it inappropriate? I don’t know. I was appreciative to be, at least at this moment, admired. Maybe I felt it was okay because the lady/owner is a lesbian. I knew she didn’t want me. Is that it? When I think someone doesn’t want ME, I assess it as okay to be touched. But what if I think they want me and they don’t? What if I hadn’t known the lady/owner was a lesbian and just mis/took her admiration as an advance?

Every now and again I’ll have a small child come up to me and say, “You got a tooth sticking up.” I’m thinking in my head, “as if I didn’t know! I’ve known for years and longer than you’ve been alive.” Depending on how it rubs me, I might end that exclamation with a resounding, “BOY!!!!!!” Again… that’s all in my head. I will usually just smile for the record and quietly say, “I know.” I try to take into account the child’s age. He or she is usually no older than 6 and perhaps no younger than 2. They are children and they say the darndest things. It usually can’t be helped so I do my best to just let it go.
Adults on the other hand--- we should know better. I think the expectation is that we speak with much more sobriety and/or respect. I don’t know if I know what that really means but I often hear more insults than compliments. “Look at you. You’ve gained weight haven’t you?” “Where did all that gray come from? Boy you’re getting old.” “I don’t like your hair like that.”

Maybe we don’t know how to receive a compliment. I’ve told a woman before, “I like your nose.” She retorts, “This nose? I hate it.” I might say, “Hey gorgeous.” The response might be, “no way… not today I’m not.” We are very good at insulting each other and ourselves. I think it’s how we showcase humility. But in the spirit of the “outstanding” tooth, I do my best to direct someone’s attention toward those things I find beautiful. The attempt is to do this without discrimination. I usually have success with this but there are times when my attempts at complimenting beauty become viewed as something wholly other--- or what some may just call “unholy.” :(

I like compliments, especially if they are true. When it's a good day and someone's feeling generous, I might hear, “Boy, you got some nice legs.” Admittedly, that’s much more appealing to me than the tooth thing. I’ve never been insulted by someone admiring my legs. It’s quite euphoric. I have a runner’s legs, or so I’ve been told. I’m really not a runner but I’ll take the compliment. I’ve never been an athlete, and I’ve never been the poster boy for fitness, so for me to having something good looking on my body is like a miracle and to have someone notice is like double play. I’ll take the good with the bad. Not much choice in that anyway.

The world I live in perhaps isn’t so simple. We have rules around practically everything. A single man can compliment a single woman (giving referent deference toward same gendered affections). A married woman can compliment a married woman – vice-versa for the men. Things get a little tricky when a single person speaks to someone who is “spoken for.” It’s a magician’s feat to pull off and get it right. But by all means, people who are spoken for should never be too generous with someone who has been spoken for. ..Enough said (shhhh)---but for real!!!!!!

I’ve been adventurous enough to try it though. I’ve tried to speak of beauty, speak on beauty, speak to beauty when it is politically incorrect and unbeknownst to me, relational suicide. I’ve gotta get this right. I have to do better. Can we be a society that sees acknowledgments of beauty and charm as something other than a necessary grievance.

That’s a beautiful dress and you look good in it. Wow! What wonderful hair. You got some nice legs; you should show them. Did you see those pecks? Tall, dark, and Handsome. I simply love looking at you. Thanks for being. Thanks for being beautiful. You have the most gorgeous eyes. Succulent lips. That famous rude whistle. I love a man in uniform.

Haven’t we had secret conversations either with friends or within ourselves where we say these things and more than this wish someone would just say them to us? The world has practiced being cruel too long. Can we not find a way to be comfortable with beautiful sentiments? It’s not all sexual even if the hearer hears it as such, but what if it is sexual? Sex is not a sin, neither is it a dirty word.

Relationships are tricky and when it becomes more important to get from the relationship more than we give to it, the relationship is approaching sickness and could easily die. I do not want this to be the case with any of us. There are times when I find myself wondering if I am outliving my usefulness. This is not my desire and when this happens, I look into myself to see what I might have to offer. I desire to create a useful presence for you and those who have been affected by my way of being. We can learn to love---really love and this can only happen if we choose not to fear… ANYTHING.